Who do you not want to be like? I refer to these people as anti-role models. I’ve answered this question many times over the past several years. Interactions with people whose behaviors and attitudes filled me with disgust made it obvious. Their negative traits made it easy to feel a strong desire never to be like them. With others, I recognized that our values and beliefs didn’t align at all.

Anti-role models appear everywhere from personal relationships to work relationships, to politicians and celebrities we don’t personally know. Due to life circumstances, we sometimes need to tolerate people who are anti-role models. This can fill us with sadness, anger, or resentment. Maybe, instead, we can view this as an opportunity to learn and grow. Logically, avoiding the characteristics that make these people anti-role models, or even doing the exact opposite, should lead to more positive personal traits and a better life.

It’s not that simple, though. I haven’t managed to control my anger or stop reacting to the negative characteristics of anti-role models. They set me off. I’m sure these bad traits (and others) make me an anti-role model to someone else.

Recently, a friend suggested that I try journaling, so I made a list called “How Not to Be.” I listed all of the characteristics of people I don’t want to be like. Pretty easy. Then, I thought of people who aren’t anti-role models but still have flaws I don’t want to exhibit. I wrote those down, too.

As journaling promises to be, it was a calming experience, and I’ll try to maintain this list and refer to it it when I find myself reacting. Perhaps more importantly, I saw traits that I already exhibit or could easily fall into. It’s not a high bar to want to be the kind of person who is more of a role model than an anti-role model. To stay on the right side of this, the next logical step is to identify ways to go in the opposite direction of each item on the list. Give it a try, too.